Christmas party, Christmas market and Christmas memories.....

Well today was the foundation Christmas party. All those working for, with and associated to the foundation come along for a night of food and merriment as we watch the year that has gone by with a series of speeches, photos and video clips. Court and I took the 6 eldest Balla kids with us......

although it all got a bit much for little Ionut who ended up asleep in my arms towards the end of the night.....

At the start of this week Court and I managed to escape the craziness that is the Christmas workload here and journeyed across the border to nearby Debrecen to visit the Christmas market. We had a really lovely time. It is so refreshing to have those afternoons away from here. It happens so rarely so we soaked it all in including the oh so very sweet melted hot chocolate. Here are a few shots from the day......

Yummy HOT chocolate for 2 shivering ladies!

Mmmmmm cheese

Hungarian cookies and treats

A view of the church and town Christmas tree with some very loud giggling nuns in the foreground!

Christmas feeling....

I just thought this was pretty.

On another note I was recently asked by a colleague to share 3 Christmas memories under the heading of easy, fun and difficult. It was an interesting exercise and I thought I'd post it just to maybe get some of you out there thinking of yours. Here was my reply...... 

Easy: Christmas as a child - the warmth of love, food, comfort and security. Of magic and fairytales of family and innocence. Joy and laughter and only thinking about what was in your stocking and if your mum would like the picture you drew and dad would like the funky fishing tackle you made out of things you found lying around the house

Fun: Christmas 2008  - Court and I looked after 6 children from Casa Alba (4 sisters and 2 boys). They stayed with us for 10 days along with my mum and a good friend. We decorated the tree, had sleep overs, laughed and ran around in the snow. Hung 10 stockings on the staircase and taught them how to sing English christmas songs while pretending to be reindeer. The house was filled with the most fun, laughter and magic I have ever had on any Christmas. My favourite ever.

Difficult: This one to come - My son died this year. My sister in law lost her mum suddenly to cancer. We are seperated by borders that we cannot cross. I love Christmas. It means magic and love and family to me but I am sad to think about celebrating when part of my heart is missing. When I know that not only I but my family are struggling with bitter loss and sorrow. But, I am thankful for the children still in our lives who will bring the joy and love, the magic and innocence of Christmas to us through their eyes.

Trying to share the Christmas joy...

As Christmas creeps upon us we have been trying to bring a little joy to those less fortunate. This time of year is hard for so many and I love the fact that I get to be part of and involve my son in trying to give a little of what we can to others in worse circumstances than ourselves. I think it is so important for him to be part of this work that we do here and I am thankful for his kind and loving heart.

Handing out shoeboxes at the special needs school

Beautiful Diana - this smile says it all!

Singing carols at the old peoples home 

This man (Gyula) used to live at Cadea and now lives here - it was so good to see him and he was so happy to see Cristi and I. 

Delivering family packages of clothes/duvets/food and shoeboxes. The family that live here live in one room on the side of this mud floor dilapidated house . They own very little.

They are so poor this little one came out to the car barefoot in the snow. I carried her back inside where I saw the dirtiest baby I have ever seen looking at me with the most beautiful blue eyes.

Then we stopped at this part of the village. A few huts at the bottom of a steep hill where 4 very large and extremely poor families live.

They walked up to get their stuff

This man (Mircea) was so happy to get one of the broken sleds we had brought (that had belonged to Cristi last year). I helped him take his stuff home where he tried to give me a puppy to thank me. He showed me the pig they will kill this week for food but apologised that the poor pig was hungry because they had hardly any food for themselves let alone for the pig. It makes you think!

  

 

The little bar of purple soap

There was once a little bar of purple soap. For days and weeks and what felt like years she sat untouched on the shelf of the local supermarket. Many people saw her but they were distracted by fancy labels and something called BOGOF. She was such a sad little bar of soap. She longed to be free of her plastic wrapper and feel the tingle of droplets on her. She dreamed of feeling the warmth of a hand as it unleashed her soapy goodness onto their skin. She too wanted to 'fly off the shelf' or sell like one of those scrummy 'hotcakes'. Yet, there she sat as her neighbours disappeared and were replaced, her dream of feeling that rush of water remaining simply that - a dream.

One day as she lay there snoozing a little chubby hand reached onto the shelf and she heard it exclaim "I choose this one mummy". My goodness what a fright "are they really choosing me?" she thought to herself "boy am I in for an adventure!" Little did that little bar of purple soap know what adventure she had been chosen for. 

That little chubby hand belonged to Matthew a small boy aged 3 who had decided with his mummy and daddy to fill a shoebox full with presents for a boy the same age as him in a distant land. So the little bar of soap was placed into a box along with a green toothbrush, a dinosaur toy, some sweeties and lots of other goodies that a small boy of 3 delights in. "You are a special bar of soap" whispered Matthew "you are going to go and make someone really really happy at Christmas". The bar of soap was indeed confused but she thought that Christmas must be a magical thing and being special on this magical day probably made you the luckiest bar of soap around. So, nestled into her box with the other goodies she said goodbye to the chubby fingered boy and started to imagine just where this adventure would take her.

First she was taken to a big room where she could see many other boxes filled just as hers was. There she was joined by a story and a wrinkled hand checked to make sure no cheeky chocolate bars had tried to flee with her. After that she went on a short journey to a big depot. The noise of all the other bars of soap excitedly chatting made her feel so warm that she didn't notice the coolness of the room. There was so much anticipation and the little bar of purple soap wondered just where she might find herself when her box, her new home, was opened. 

Her box was placed into a bigger box along with 9 others. The bigger box was plain and brown not fancy like her red and gold one but she felt like this was a good strong box and she would be safe inside. The big brown boxes  were loaded onto a big truck and as she heard the truck creak and then come alive she started to feel a little frightened. 

After many hours and several starts and stops the truck finally ground to a halt. She heard a big metal door open and as she felt the motion of being slid across the floor she realised that she was indeed suddenly flying through the air and into the arms of someone who carried her safely into a warm dusty room.

The little purple soap sits there now. Tired from her journey but eager to find the next chubby hand that will sprinkle water onto her and happily set her free in their family this Christmas. 

To all of you out there who have sent little bars of soap on their way to the poor, the needy, orphaned and sick we thank you. Some of those boxes arrived today and I'm sure in one of them sits a little bar of purple soap longing to make someones Christmas a little bit more special. 

Thanksgiving

So, yesterday was thanksgiving and what a lovely feast and thankfull filled day it was. Thank you to Court and her friends for making it a yummy and laughter filled day - most enjoyable! Here are some shots from the day.......

Started the day with a trip to the theater with the school kids

We went to see capra cu trei iezi - a slightly scary tale meant to teach children to listen to their mothers by showing that if you don't you might get eaten by a big bad wolf who gets his comeupance by being caught and then burned alive. EEK!!

Came home from work to find these busy bee hard workers cooking us our thanksgiving feast.

Beautiful Courtney - I am thankful for all her years of wonderful friendship and the love & laughter she brings me

Table decoration

Cristi with his Indian head-dress napkin ring

Scrummy plate of thanksgiving feast goodness

Some things that my team and I are thankful for

And no thanksgiving would be complete without watching my favourite Tom & Jerry 'the little orphan'. And so in my best American accent I wish a "Happy Thanksgiving y'all".

A few months rolled into one post

It's that time again where I apologise for not updating. I can see that I still have some faithful followers checking this blog held silent for too long and I thank you that you have had faith in me and the will to see what is happening in our lives. However, I have struggled with a serious case of writers block because what can i possibly put up here that is of worth? I tried to get back on the random post track with my last post in August but you know everything that I can write about seems in so many ways so insignificant, compared to the rest of my life and those things that are unable to be said just now, that as soon as I start to pen anything it goes straight into the bin!

I can say that I am thankful for the strength to move forward day by day. For those of you who have lost someone so close I am sure you know that somedays go by a little smoother than others and other days you just want to get home so you don't need to keep the fake smile plasterd to your face anymore. But I do have joy. Cristi brings me so much and as I wrote before he keeps me walking and moving and living and I am able to do those things even when it feels sometimes so empty. So, we have been managing to smile and laugh and get through thesse difficult days. We have had visits from mum/Buni and dad/Grandpa and we are thankful for those who love us and care for us and help us through these times. Learning a little everyday how to better handle the pain and saddness and live/work/love/have a fuller life again.

I thought the best thing to do was to put up some photos so that you can see/read a little about life these last couple of months.......



August - Due to a new found love of watching guiness world record clips Cristi decided that he has a new party trick and use for Courtney's clothes pegs

August - swimming in the lake

September - Grandpa comes to visit and of course they get right on the dam making. Although I think the forest stream was a bit colder than the lake above!

September - we visited a botanical garden in Jibou where Cristi discovered a new found love for plants especially Mimosa Pudica

September - the fair came to town so lots of fun was had on the bumper cars and inflatable slides, eating out and watching the interesting dance moves and loud music of different performers (in fact Cristi has now joined the hip hop dance class and is loving it - his dream is to perform on stage next year)

September - school started (a week later than it should because they simply weren't ready after 3 months of vacation to go back). I am thankful that this year seems a little less stressful as the boy who bullied him a lot has now moved class. It is so nice that every morning is not a struggle to drag him to school. So happy for a happy boy - we just need to work on the frustration that is times tables :)

I have also started back at school (trying to find a photo where you can get an idea of school without too much facial recognition). We have 14 children of varying age and ability in 1 class with most of the time only the 1 teacher and 1 helper (sometimes there is 2 of us but unfortunately Court also has to drive children to Oradea twice a week so that is hard for us). With no formal training for working with children with special needs there is a lot of trial and error and guess work thrown in. We get by but it is a real struggle!! So if any of you out there want to come and volunteer at our school please feel free to do so :) 



October - From one circus to another......we visited the circus with Buni and Cristi got to ride an elephant. He was so super excited! Not everyday you get to do that!

October - The 2 littlest from the family I work with have started going to nursery school so I take them once a week for a bath and change of clothes. They are really just so poor. Their mum is soon due to give birth to her 7th child and they still live in their little room smaller than the one I sit in now with no water, electricity or toilet.

October - Following last years tradition we carved some pumpkins. I am not entirely sure why we decided to make this a tradition as neither Cristi or I enjoy hollowing out the flipping things and mine this year was so tough that I couldn't carve it and had to settle for carving up a butternut squash! However, I will admit the end result was kind of cool and we were all clearly proud of our creations!

November - after almost a year of not leaving the country I decided to venture out and spend the last day of mum's trip in Budapest. So nice to get away from the dust and burst a little the bubble of life here. A lovely day of walking and cycling (a little pedal car - lots of laughs were had) and good food at Sir Lancelots where I had eaten 7 years ago and was so happy to go back to! I recomend it if you are ever in Budapest!

November - seeing the sights - the parliament building in Budapest.

To market to market.....

Today we went to the animal market where people were selling piglets in crates........

and out the back of their cars!

For you

4 weeks that's all it has been,
4 weeks has it been that long?
Time is forever skewed.

My head hurts.

So many thoughts,
Too many emotions.

I carry on.

I get through the day.

How?

How can I get out of bed?
How can I go on?

A little boy pulls my hand,
"I thought I would wake up and eat breakfast and we would play but then I couldn't, we didn't"

Made to be big too soon,
To deal with this horror too soon

I ache.

One lost.

I want to crawl under my blanket and stay there - lost with him.

Another pulls me forward,
Gets me up,
I have to keep moving.
One foot in front of the other,
I must do this for him.

I am broken yet I still work
I am in pieces yet I have to be whole
I am distraught yet he gives me cause to laugh
I am empty yet I am not
I am confused.

Love is powerful
Love keeps you grounded
Love helps you go on

It has saved me from collapse

I love you

I feel lost without him but you keep me here
I am thankful for all you give me

I keep walking for you

Trying to see the beauty........

This morning I said goodbye to my baby. Surrounded by my family and friends I kissed him for the last time and together with his favourite toys, a photo, flowers and a drawing from Laz we closed his little box. The space was peaceful - beside a field of sunflowers where after he was buried I could hear the bird song and insects buzzing all around. We had a small and simple burial and I wanted to share the readings for those of you who wanted to but couldn't be with us. I want to thank all of you who have given me the most amazing support and encouragement at this absolutely horrific time. I would have never walked this far without you all.

Rebecca (my cousin) read this:

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.

But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.

The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,
And we don’t know what to do.
Every beating of our heart
Is saying we love you.

                            (Anon)

Courtney read:

Psalms 139: 13-16

Kelsey sang "Blackbird" by The Beatles

I wrote and managed to read this message:

Some months ago a little bird came into my life with broken wings.

I knew from that moment that I was to fight for him and hold him

He was the sweetest most precious baby I have ever met and his eyes they begged me to not leave him.

Even though some were against us I fought for him and he came home. He became mine my baby. I his mama and Cristi his brother. A caring beautiful big brother who in such a short time showed such grace and love for my little bird and without hesitation allowed him to share his mama.

The pain of losing him so soon has been the worst I have ever felt but I know that he died not alone but in the arms of a mama who loved him and surrounded by a family that love us all.

You will never be forgotten my little bird. My arms are empty without you and my heart is no longer whole. But I still feel your red thread tugging at my heart so I know even though you are gone you will always be with me and the love I have for you will always live on in me.

We will love you always and forever and you will always have a special part in our family. But now I set you free and with mended wings you can fly.

Taken too soon

Yesterday my sweet little bird fell asleep in my arms and never woke up. The most heartache I have ever felt but I will never regret taking him or the few months we shared together. He was my special baby and he died part of a family that will always love him.

Turning 1

Eight months ago I met a little damaged bird, so small and so weak no sound came when he cried. Now a little bigger and a lot louder this little bird turned 1 today. Happy Birthday our beautiful, little precious boy. We love you Iosif and are so happy that you are a part of our family. Grow strong little one. Happy, healthy and strong.

Drum Lesson #3

"Buni I made this video because I thought you would like it" - love Cristi :)

I know I go through phases of being lax in my blogging but this time the excuse is genuine. I know many of you know already but for those who don't here's a mini recap as to why I have not had the time to sit down and write till now.

I had been working in the hospital with baby Iosif for 5 months visiting as many days as I could. Unfortunately he was not thriving or really growing and at 9 months was still the size of a newborn and had made no developmental progress. He stared into space and was so stiff that all he did was lie in his bed and cry. After writing my last blog I started filling out papers to take baby Iosif into foster care and to my absolute joy three weeks later he came home with us.

He has been with us now for a little over two months and it has been a crazy but great adjustment. He is eating and growing and thriving so much more than his previous 9 months had seen. We have a long road ahead and he needs a lot of love, patience and physical therapy but I am encouraged by the little progress he has made already.

Cristi loves having a little brother and is very attentive to him and his cries, he loves to help by holding and rocking him and LOVES to sing Justin Beiber to him. Mum and dad have both been out here visitng in the time that Iosif has been with us which has been great for us all.

I am thankful and lucky to have such encouraging and supportive family and friends and I wanted to thank you and show you a few photos of the last couple of months of our lives.

Family photo with Grandpa

Chilling in the car

Out for a walk

Meeting the gang

Snooze time

Iosif sandwich

Cristi's 9th superhero birthday

Sipping lemonade

Dining out - we chose not to sit directly under the car dangling from the ceiling!

Family photo with Buni